Elusive Illusion
by Fate VII
Summary: Silly. Fluffy. Hiei. Kurama. Livejournal? So Hiei gets to wondering why Kurama is suddenly less angsty. Inquisitive fire demon on the loose! And Extortionist!Yusuke makes an appearance.


Fate: This story is flat-out silly. It gets a bit angsty from time to time, but it's predominantly just...fun. And fluffy. And weird. And effing long. And dedicated to Manda Podima, for reasons unknown to most of the sane world. Kurama. Livejournal. snerk

Disclaimer: examines room No Kurama. No Hiei. No Kurama and Hiei making out. And no Savage Garden or Yusuke to top it off. Bloody hell, we're having a bad day for ownership.

* * *

**Username: **Each user must have their own unique username. Your username is what appears in the address to your journal and what you use to log into the server. It also shows up when you post comments in other people's journal.

Kurama stared. Twiddled his thumbs a bit. Leaned back in his chair and threw a pencil at the ceiling. "Bollocks," he finally said. "I bloody hate this part." Long, martyred sigh. "Well, hell, it's worth a shot."

He sat up and typed one word into the field, then laughed when it went through. "It would be original, wouldn't it?" he observed to the world at large. "It's mine."

* * *

And that, really, is how this whole mess began.

I just didn't...exactly...know it at the time. He told me later.

No, I will not tell you what else we were doing when he told me.

I think I was temporarily stupid. So temporarily stupid that my mind refuses to compute it. Then again, it's not like I really could have known what was going on.

Technology.

Feh.

He lived for a thousand years without a computer, and now he won't go anywhere without one.

I find that singularly unfair.

What do you mean, I should start from the beginning? I just did! I was just being explanatory, since I'm telling a story. Now shut up and listen to it, dammit.

So that was what started the goddamn mess. Of course, I didn't find out until much, much later. And then there was a lot of chaos. And manipulation.

And there were even fangirls.

So you're suitably scared? Excellent. I'll keep going.

* * *

"What the bloody hell are you doing?" Hiei demanded from the window.

Kurama jumped and slammed his laptop's cover down. "I didn't hear you come in."

"You also didn't hear me dance the tango with that awfully tacky gold idol you have lolling about in the corners," Hiei observed.

"Did you?" Kurama inquired, pushing back from his desk with a wince.

"No. Why the hell did you keep that, of all things?"

Kurama eyed the gold idol. He'd had it for nearly two weeks now and no one had raised a fuss about its being missing. "It's an extremely intriguing sort of fertility idol, you know. I think there's just something appealing about it's really big – "

"Oh, shut up," Hiei muttered, clapping one hand over his uncovered eyes expressively.

Kurama shot him a limpid, youko-eyed look that Hiei could appreciate even without actually seeing it. "I was talking about the sword it carried. Most fertility idols aren't armed."

"And you're such an expert on fertility idols," Hiei drawled, leaning against the end of Kurama's bed and examining the golden creature dispassionately.

"There was quite a demand for them," Kurama said gravely. "I did quite a trade in nicking them. Even threw in some free sex if the commission was good enough."

"I really don't want to know about your sex habits," Hiei complained.

"What, am I making you envious?"

"You're just really desperate," Hiei accused.

Kurama gave this some thought. "Hmm. Roughly sixteen years without sex. Desperate is putting it mildly."

"Is that why you kept...it, then?" Hiei inquired, looking thoroughly interested.

Kurama made a disdainful noise and attempted to stand up. He promptly fell on his ass in a tangle of red hair, flailing limbs, and a couple squeaks. "Bloody bugfucking hell!"

Hiei looked as amused as Hiei ever got. Which, to the casual observer, was nothing more than Hiei looking expressionless. If the casual observer were to put their head on one side and squint, then they might catch a glimpse of an evil smirk trying to figure out why it was suddenly looking somewhat less evil and somewhat more...something that provoked squicky mental images.

Go on, try it.

"Ow," Kurama said pitifully, dragging himself to his feet in a welter of cracking joints. "Ow," he added thoughtfully, tossing his hair in a vain effort to get it back to a semblance of normality.

"How long have you been sitting there?" Hiei wondered derisively.

Kurama blinked gently at the clock. "Mmmh. Something like seven hours. Good thing there's no school tomorrow." He promptly stalked over and fell onto the bed. "I think I'm going to die."

"In general, or sometime in the near future?" Hiei had sat through enough of Kurama's angst-filled rambles to know that this was a good point to discern right off. Kurama could be a very depressing little bugger once he got his angst on. Being alive for well over a millennium where your chief concerns were what you were going to pinch next and how well you were going to get boinked that night and then suddenly being thrown into the form of a hormonal human teenager seemed to have that effect. Well, maybe not suddenly into hormonal teenager, but he was certainly one now.

"I have this insane urge to go write really ungrammatical and thoroughly flawed poetry where I contemplate my mortality, sexuality, and the way that society treats me like dirt because I am a minority. A minority what, I'm not exactly sure," Kurama said thoughtfully. "I suppose if I gave it some thought, it could be excellent poetry, but I'm not sure that that's the point of the exercise."

"It goes with trying to be a human, you know. Your mind was bound to warp a little funny sooner or later," Hiei offered.

"I think it has to do with it being raining out," Kurama added. "The gray skies are a metaphor."

"For what?"

"I haven't the faintest," Kurama replied, grabbing the nearest pillow and smacking himself across the head. "I think I'm going to faint."

"What?"

"That, or go to sleep very rapidly."

"..." Hiei stared at Kurama. Poked him a bit. Shuffled somewhat. "Er." Poke.

Hiei glared at the rain. "Stupid rain." He then slid down the wall to sit in a huddled position across from the golden idol. "If you molest me, they'll be running across little pieces of you for centuries. In all three worlds. All over them. And maybe in space too."

He didn't specify whether he was talking to Kurama or the idol.

Smart man.

Er. Demon.

* * *

And that was that, really. It seemed pretty innocuous at the time too.

Well, Kurama'd been...well, angsty lately. Something to do with his computer. He'd been spending all his time on there too. Which led to him ignoring me.

I fucking hate being ignored.

He's lucky he's the only one I trust to ever save my ass, should my ass need it, or I'd've killed him for the insult. As it was, I tried to make do with pointed silences.

I'm really good at those.

So whither the chaos/manipulation/fangirls, you ask?

Shut up, I'm getting there.

And yes, I said 'whither'.

But, you see, before Kurama ignored me, he told me everything. You know. Stuff he'd quietly stolen (apparently Kuwabara's been constantly in the market for wristwatches), complaining about a slow but noticeable loss of control over some of the more primal human behaviors, about the latest human following him intensively, about some war going on somewhere, about just about anything.

I don't like conversations. I like being talked to. The bit where you express your views on the subject is where it gets annoying. I can come up with plenty of reactions to the subject at hand, but then it gets a little technical.

Kurama's never really had any problems with me not actually expressing my views. He just kind of figures them out anyway. Interesting, that. Infinitely better than where you sit and stare at some human until you finally figure out what it is they want you to say.

You think it's cute, huh? You do that. I always knew you were fucking nuts.

What do you mean, how am I telling this story if I don't like conversations? It's not a conversation! I talk and you listen.

Shut up and listen to the fucking story.

* * *

"It has been exactly three weeks, two days, eight hours, and seventeen minutes as of right...now," Hiei announced.

Kurama barely batted an eye from behind his computer. "Since what?"

"Since you stopped talking to me."

"I'm talking to you right now."

"That's not what I meant!" Hiei glowered at the golden idol still sitting in the corner. Stupid thing. It was probably all its fault. "You know what I meant."

"You've been keeping track of how long it's been?" Kurama asked dryly. "Why, pray tell?"

"Bit hard not to," Hiei muttered resentfully. "Explain."

"I can't," Kurama said quietly, staring at the computer screen as though it held all the wonders of the world. "Why do you care?"

Hiei thought about it for a bit. I don't sounded patently untrue, what with all the evidence to the contrary. _Because you're useful _might work, but Kurama's sanity and Kurama's ability to kill off things that tried to kill the pair of them tended to be related more inversely, if at all. _Because I'm used to talking to you _sounded downright...strange. True, but strange. And probably further-explanation-provoking. _Because you have to be talking to someone who's not me, or you'd be insane by now, because something's been bothering you and you never told me what it was, but you're telling someone now, and I can tell, and holy _shit_ where the _hell_ did that answer come from?!_

"I'll make a bargain," Kurama said softly.

Hiei stiffened. Demons traditionally made lots of bargains. These bargains tended to be with humans. And the demon would keep its word...but it would keep only its word in a fashion that any lawyer would be hard pressed not to admire.

And demons making bargains with other demons meant only one thing. And that one thing was something along the lines of Bikini Atoll.

"If you tell me why you care, then I'll tell you what you're trying to get me to say," Kurama said with a slow smile. It inched across his face and slowly snared his eyes, turning his expression from blank to mocking to predatory in quiet ripples.

Any demon facing down another demon who was trying to strike a bargain with precisely that expression would, if they had any common sense whatsoever, run like hell.

Hiei stared. Bit his lip. Fidgeted a bit. And, after a long pause, shook his head slightly.

And _then_ he ran away.

* * *

Well, it wasn't really running away. It was a strategic retreat fueled by the fact that an unhinged Kurama is usually not a good Kurama to be around.

Yes, that was his unhinged face. I've seen it many, many times before. It's that expression where..._no_, I will not imitate it. Go ask him yourself if you want to see it. Or you could just wait until someone starts screwing with his mind or pissing him off. Or both. And then look at him.

Yes, of course I was doing both. What, you think I'm some kind of amateur? Oh, shut up. There was a reason.

...okay, there wasn't a reason. It just sort of happened. It's not like he wasn't doing the same to me or anything.

No, actually, he was. He's a manipulative little bugger. He's a youko! How could he not be? They steal anything that shines, screw anything that moves, and mess with anything which possesses something even approaching a mind.

Why should I be afraid of you telling Kurama I said that?

Sado-masochist? And that is...?

...I'm torn between killing you, telling you to shut up and let me finish the story, and clawing my eyes out.

I am not innocent! Most demons would be...sado-whatsit...just by definition!

No, I'm not included. I am never 'most demons'.

Shut up, listen to the goddamn story, and stop fucking quizzing me on my sex life!

* * *

BANG BANG BANG.

Yusuke glanced up from his comic to behold Hiei standing outside his window, dripping wet and looking thoroughly pissed off.

Yusuke deeply considered hiding in the closet. However, he realized with one quick glance that not only was hiding in the closet impossible, but that something else might be lurking in wait for him to try said maneuver and then eat his brains.

BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG -- "Took you long enough."

"What are you doing here?" Yusuke demanded.

"How much do you know about computers?" Hiei asked.

Yusuke blinked and took a step back as Hiei slid in over the windowsill, shoved a handful of manga with studiously blank covers aside, and sat on his desk. "What?"

Hiei simply stared at him and waited for an answer.

"I, uh, I guess I know some," Yusuke finally managed. "Why?"

"What could you do on a computer that would let you talk to someone without them really talking back? I mean, I suppose they could talk back, but not really talk back," Hiei said, seemingly mesmerized by a point over Yusuke's shoulder.

Yusuke wondered at this oddly soap-opera-esque glance before he remembered what was over his shoulder. "It came with this," he offered, holding up his comic.

Yusuke thought that maybe if he tilted his head a bit and squinted, Hiei might have looked thoroughly amused. "I see."

"Is it for target practice?" Hiei inquired. "What with the anatomy being so clearly outlined and all."

Yusuke bit back laughter. Well, he actually made a valiant effort, but wound up guffawing into a nearby pillow. "Hiei, I swear, one of these days, we've got to get you hooked up with someone. You really need to get laid."

"..." Hiei shot him a poisonous look. One of Yusuke's much-maligned plants over in the corner withered up and carked it on the spot.

"Right, something where you talk and someone sort of but not really talks back? Well...I guess there's IM, but that doesn't sound like what you mean. And chat rooms and stuff. And there's online journals too. Those things aren't really to anyone, but people can reply anyway. What kind of talking do you mean?" Yusuke inquired, his curiosity going into hyperdrive.

Hiei shuffled a bit and looked as though he might have twiddled his thumbs if he'd known how or had considered it a worthy pastime. "Stuff."

"Any particular topic?" Yusuke probed.

"Probably himself. Damn vain youko."

A small light went off in Yusuke's brain. He promptly scrabbled over to his desk and began booting up his computer, hauling himself into his chair as he did so. Hiei neatly slipped off the edge of the desk and picked up Yusuke's abandoned comic, at which point he began leafing through it with no small amount of bewilderment.

Yusuke glanced over at the fire demon and was forced to muffle his laughter by shoving his arm halfway down his throat at the sudden and strange mix of expressions passing across Hiei's face. Confusion was a big one. So was shock. Hiei didn't look confused or shocked often, but when he did, it was fucking hilarious. Yusuke considered taking a few quiet pictures, then decided he valued his life a bit too much to really get some good ones.

A little blurriness really never hurt anyone.

"So what are you looking for?" Hiei asked without looking up.

"I'll show you if I find it," Yusuke said, making a few fast site changes. "Hmm," he added quietly. "If I know Kurama, then he'll have...gotcha," he finished exultantly.

Hiei glanced up and quirked an eyebrow.

"Does the phrase _kitsunenibakasareru_ mean anything to you?" Yusuke inquired.

Hiei raised the other eyebrow. "If it doesn't to you, you're even stupider than I thought. What's this about?"

"It's called a livejournal," Yusuke said. "He doesn't seem to have had it for very long."

"Three weeks, five days?" Hiei inquired.

"How'd you know?" Yusuke demanded.

Blank stare.

"Right," Yusuke said with a sigh, clicking on something and then standing away from the desk. "I assume you can read just fine."

"..." Hiei shrugged and stalked over to the monitor, squinting at the characters. "I can read it," he said eventually.

"I'll just...go have a smoke," Yusuke said, watching Hiei for any signs of sudden homicidal mania. "You have fun with that. Does it seem like what you were looking for?"

"...hn."

Yusuke nodded and stepped out of the room. Then he paused, turned around and went back. "That thing to your right, with the buttons on it? You move it and the little arrow on the screen moves. You move the arrow to an underlined word and push the button on the right, and it takes you to that page. And the little wheelie thing makes the page go up or down."

Hiei promptly began playing with the mouse.

Yusuke subtly felt to make sure he had a full pack of cigarettes.

It was starting to look like one of _those_ nights.

* * *

Of course I'd never seen a computer before! What are you on about?

You've seen demons. Picture one of those really gnarly ones with the talons and the fangs and the wossnames trying to get one of those wheelie things to work, will you? _Now_ tell me we should've invented computers.

How do you know we didn't, then?

You are fucked in the head, aren't you?

No, don't pour out your woes about your silly bint not doing whatever it is she's not doing. I'm not listening.

No, I am not an expert. Not even after reading that thing on the computer.

...wait. Wait. You read that?

Where's my fucking sword? I'm going to kill you.

Well, how was that not private?

...what do you mean, it wasn't friends-only? What's that? But you're his friend. So it wouldn't matter anyway.

There's an option to make it totally private?

...you're doing this to me on purpose, aren't you?

Well, I don't care if he chose to make it public! The stupid fox is a youko! They're the ones that came up with the idea of orgies in the first place, you idiot. But it had me in it!

No, I will not give you money to not show it to Kuwabara! I'm not convinced that he can read, so I'm not worried.

...how much do you want?

* * *

(entry # 1)

**Mood**: bored --;;

**Music**: something on the radio. I don't know it.

Lookit, I've got a livejournal. Finally I can stop whining to Hiei all the time and whine somewhere else. He'll probably appreciate it.

...this thing is completely unaesthetic. So once I've finished...well, explaining...I'll go and fix it up.

I am here because I'm turning into a normal hormonal teenager.

You could say, in a way, that I brought it on myself. But if you said it, I'd probably demand how you knew, and then run screaming when you told me.

I'm going to figure out how I'm going to say it one day, you know. People don't associate me with being lost for words, but it's really not that hard...not if you know me. Again, if you can explain that, see the bit where I demand information and then run screaming.

I just...don't know what to say to someone who wouldn't understand me anyway, no matter how I put it.

Goddamn, but life gets complicated sometimes.

...fucking rain. I'd say it was depressing me, but...well, what with what happens pretty much every time it rains, it really doesn't.

Besides. I don't want to be that melodramatic, do I?

(no replies)

* * *

(entry # 10)

**Mood**: confused

**Music**: she was my girl: jerry cantrell

...Why, why, why am I on here? What the hell am I doing? Why am I pouring out my soul to a bunch of people I don't know? Why am I doing this to myself, why am I doing this to him, why am I doing this at all?!

I just want someone to tell me what's going on!

**Reply:** Kitsune-something, have my babies!

**Reply:** ...urr...what the hell?

* * *

And so on and so forth.

It was somewhere between fascinating and terrifying and elating for Hiei. Fascination was something he was familiar with when Kurama was concerned, right enough. Terror...well, it had showed up once or twice. Elation...yep, that one had also appeared from time to time.

The sheer amount of fangirls was also just incredible. Pages upon pages of girls all trying to talk him into what looked like a most unfulfilling form of sex online, after which point he was supposed to bear their children.

Humans really were stupid.

And then there was that one entry from a few days ago...from that strange night where Kurama had tried to strike a bargain with him.

None of it was in Japanese. Hiei could read it anyway.

Makai languages were useful like that.

* * *

(entry # 29)

**Mood**: Fuck that. Xx

**Music**: And fuck that too.

Hiei, you're going to find this. I knew it from the minute I tried to bargain with you. I don't know how you'll do it, but you'll pull it off.

I've done it again. It's all in the name I go by here. _Kitsunenibakasareru_. Tricked by a fox. I've made them all think me human, think me like them.

How do I do it? Gods, _how do I do it?_

I should be telling you this. Talking to you right now. I should have talked to you. I knew a bargain would scare you off. I should have, I should have, I should have. So many things I ought to have done, and I can't. So this is the only way I know how.

Here's my end of the bargain, as it were. You don't have to reciprocate. I'm curious, but it's your problem, really.

You know, that thing you were trying to get me to say?

Stay.

That's it. That's the only way I can think of it. You. Me. Here. Stay with me. I don't give a damn what you do with it, but don't fucking leave me here. Don't leave me in this goddamn world with all the humans. Some of them are real, but most of them are so dead and I think I'm dying too, just a little.

A human would be all sappy and professing undying love and all that stupidity. I've told thousands of people I loved them, and I don't think I ever meant it for a inch. I've fucked and killed and stole and destroyed and done just about everything, and it didn't matter to me, but it's not real anymore.

So fuck that undying love, fuck the fucking, fuck the stealing and killing, and would you just come find me when you're done reading this? There isn't anything after this. I'm done here. Done.

I'm just so tired of pretending. Illusions and illusions and illusions. My talent, my trick of the trade. It's not a gift anymore, it's a curse. It's my goddamn life.

Oh, get off the computer and get your ass back here; I need to talk to you _right now._

**Reply:** Kitsune-baka-chaaaan, what was that? Some kind of code?

**Reply: **(not in any known Ningenkai language) Sod the fuck off.

* * *

Kurama seemed to be a little stressed.

Yusuke was sitting out in the hallway when he heard the slam of the window being violently thrown open. He promptly charged into the room, glanced around furtively, and began scrolling back through the entries eagerly.

* * *

What do you mean, you'd never thought I was capable of feeling guilty? I was not feeling guilty!

And no, you don't appear in any of the rest of the story. I'd have thought that was obvious.

Oh, don't be any more idiotic than you are. Will you shut up and let me finish? Now what? You want me to wait for you while you go shopping for cigarettes? You're a loony. If you leave, then this story doesn't get told.

...no, you couldn't get it out of Kurama. He's not objective. What do you mean, I'm not either? Your mother wasn't objective either!

...why are you looking at me like that? Stop looking at me like that if you want to keep the skin on your face! And stop laughing! What, demons suddenly can't be insulting? What brought this on?

I...sound...like...that thing?

All right, where's my sword? I'm not fit to live. I need to die. Right. Now. Where's my bloody sword?

Hey! Give me my fucking sword!

So you'll swap me the end of the story for the sword. Oh. And for a light. What am I, a bloody lighter?

...I'll pretend you didn't answer that.

So you want to make a bargain with a demon?

All right. And then we talked, and that's why you're here. The end. Give me the sword.

You can't do that!

..._God_ says so!

...okay, fine, fine, fine, I'll finish it. But you've got to shut up first.

And I'll bloody light your bloody cigarette. Happy now?

* * *

Kurama was pacing in circles in his room. His hair was hanging at odd angles, his face was dead white, there were dark circles under his eyes, and he hadn't eaten, slept, or done much of anything save for pacing nervously and staring at the wall for three days.

"You look like hell."

Kurama stopped dead. "What kept you?"

"I just got your message," Hiei said indignantly.

"I suppose that makes sense," Kurama admitted quietly, sinking to the floor and beginning to trace idle designs on the wood paneling. "What did you think?"

"...?"

"What did you think?" Kurama repeated. "Did you think I was just raving, or did you...did you understand what I meant?"

Hiei quietly crossed the room and joined the redhead on the floor. "How long's it been since you brushed your hair, fox?"

Kurama laughed. "You never fail to confuse the hell out of me." He reached for a brush and began mechanically running it through his hair, his fingers slipping from the handle several times.

After the brush's seventh descent, Hiei growled impatiently, grabbed the brush, and started tugging it through Kurama's hair. "This isn't natural for you," he muttered by way of explanation.

Kurama blinked hazily at him. "I know. I don't suppose you could tell me why you cared what was wrong with me?"

Hiei did a fine pantomime of a goldfish for a bit. "Because you were talking to someone who wasn't me, but you weren't...you weren't all there. You weren't keeping your emotions in, but you weren't...you weren't dealing with them. You weren't getting better."

"I see." Kurama smiled idly at the floor.

"What did you want to talk about?" Hiei vouchsafed after a few minutes had passed in silence.

"Mostly how you were on the idea of staying with me," Kurama answered.

"Clarify 'stay'," Hiei said dispassionately.

"To continue to be in one place or condition, to wait, to pause --"

"..."

"Just don't leave me here by myself with all the humans," Kurama said quietly, inspecting the floor. "It's not like I'm demanding that you shack up with me or anything – "

The brush fell to the ground an eighth time. Hiei glared at it in order to relieve the stress of the moment.

"Sorry about that," Kurama said, not sounding at all apologetic. He retrieved the brush, only to have Hiei snap it from his hand and resume his work with an air of offended dignity.

"So," Kurama continued after a moment. "Anything else?"

"I think I should be the one asking that," Hiei retorted.

"So you should," Kurama observed, suddenly looking much more alive than he had been just a scant minute previously. "And there is something else."

Apparently the little gnome living in Hiei's mind who threw the switches when danger was afoot was on his coffee break, because Hiei simply looked mildly inquisitive.

"I have gone sixteen years without bloody even kissing anyone," Kurama said, sounding thoroughly put out.

"You've got plenty of admirers," Hiei pointed out.

"True, but I don't want them," Kurama reasoned.

"Has that ever stopped you before?"

"..." Kurama turned a delicate magenta, oddly enough.

"What?" Hiei demanded.

Kurama sighed, twisted around, and kissed Hiei solemnly. "Only when I'm devoting all my attention to getting someone else."

The brush hit the floor again and was resoundingly ignored.

"That's not terribly amusing," Hiei said.

"No, it really isn't," Kurama agreed earnestly. "I don't suppose you really go in for wild shags. Or even making out. I can do that. Hugging seems far too personal for you. You don't even seem to have a – _meef_!"

"Shut," Hiei began, pulling back very slightly, "up."

"Making out?" Kurama suggested hopefully.

"Never tried it before." Hiei mused over the past few minutes. "Seems like it could be rather agreeable."

"Do you define agreeable as being en route to being shagged practically into a coma?" Kurama inquired plaintively.

"Coma?"

"Well, maybe not a coma. Maybe just a semi-vegetative state. Really it all depends on when you tell me to stop."

"And if I don't tell you to stop?" Hiei asked.

Kurama's growing smile suddenly turned very predatory.

"Oh fuck," Hiei said involuntarily.

"That was the general idea, yes," Kurama agreed. "You seem opposed."

"Erm," Hiei replied, being the master of coherency at all times and such.

"Or am I wrong?"

"You're just playing with me," Hiei said severely.

Kurama shrugged. "Nothing wrong with that."

"So is this just for fun?" Hiei demanded.

Kurama again looked vague. "It could be. I'd rather it wasn't just for shags and kicks. I mean, hell, if I wanted that, then I could've boinked any number of humans by now."

"So wait," Hiei said, looking perplexed. "You want me."

Kurama nodded.

"Me specifically."

Again with the nodding.

"Forbidden Child fire demon me."

"That would be the one."

"...me?"

"I do believe we confirmed that."

"Wait. Me?!"

"That was the general idea, yes."

"Kurama, the great and famous thief/sex idol/otherwise coveted youko, wants me."

"Er. Yes."

Long, long silence.

"...really?"

Kurama nodded once more. "That was the idea I was hoping you'd become accustomed to sooner or later."

"Then bloody fucking stop talking to me and kiss me because goddammit no one else has and no one else ever will," Hiei said, sounding almost desperate.

"If anyone else tries, there won't be much of them left to succeed," Kurama agreed cheerily. "Tongue?"

"What?"

"...I see we're going to have to start from the beginning. Well, it's not like we haven't got all night."

* * *

"I absolutely refuse to give you details," I said, glaring at Yusuke.

"Please?" Yusuke asked, trying for normal puppy eyes.

"Until you've mastered the demonic equivalent, it's not going to work," I said acidly.

"Are you two done yet?" Kurama demanded, poking his head back in the door.

"Yes," I said.

"No," Yusuke complained. "I want details, dammit!"

"Details were not included in this explanations business. Details are superfluous," I argued.

"Ooo, superfluous. Big word," Yusuke said admiringly.

"Well, that got rid of him," I muttered.

"Hey, hey, I still want details!"

"I'm not fucking sharing him if that's what your plan is," I snapped.

"Hey, hey, I'm down with the monogamy thing," Yusuke said, holding both hands in the air entreatingly. "But I think you owe me."

"Oh no I don't," I retorted.

"Yes you do," Yusuke shot back. "For finding that livejournal in the first place. I have seen no recompense."

"You know, that was more for my benefit," Kurama said, laughing. "You really want details?"

"Of course!" Yusuke said, nodding.

Kurama shrugged, then leaned over and whispered quite a few things into Yusuke's ear. "There. Details. Not all of them, of course, but I think that those are sufficient."

Yusuke looked like he was somewhere between dying of happiness, having an aneurysm, and clawing his eyes out. Strange mixture, that.

"Now will you go away?" I demanded.

Yusuke nodded, waved disjointedly, and was steered out the door without further protestation.

Kurama closed the door, leaned on it, and sighed heavily, allowing his eyes to drop shut. "Inari, but that was crazy."

"Mmhm." I got up from where I'd been sitting on the desk and wandered over to the door as well. "Now what?"

Kurama slid his arms around my waist and dragged me closer. "Now you're going to have to put up with me being abominably affectionate for a good long time. Perhaps forever."

"I think I can manage that," I answered.

"Mmmf. If you keep licking my neck like that I'm going to have to tie you down and ravish you."

"Glad we've got the next ten hours figured out."

"Only ten? Oh dear _God_ do that again."

Meanwhile, all around the world, about two thousand young girls all went into transports of horror when they discovered their prey – er, online friend – had quietly deleted his livejournal.

owari!

* * *

Fluffy: See? Silly. Now be a luv and review it. 


End file.
